I Wanna Go Back...

The question: Paul Simon was going to Graceland, Toto blessed the rains down in Africa – what place would you write a song about?

I lived in Chicago for three glorious years after I got out of college. I'd only been there once, and that was only for a weekend, but for some reason after that I was completely in love. Before that, I'd had this idea that I'd stay in Missouri after graduation and set up a nice quiet faux-suburban existence, but that one weekend convinced me that I really belonged in the city.

So after graduation, I moved. By myself. I didn't know anyone there, didn't know my way around, had no idea what I was getting myself into. And it was fucking fabulous! Had a tiny little shoebox apartment by Lincoln Park, got me a job out by O'Hare and commuted on the train everyday...

God, I miss it. Even thought it damn near bankrupted me to live there and I ended up getting dragged back to Missouri and into my parents' house under duress after I fucked my life up, it was the best time of my life. I feel like I turned into the person I am today while I was there. That's where I finally took the first few steps towards making a life as an artist. That's where I sorted out a lot of stuff in my head about who I was and what I wanted in life.

Actually, I did write a song about it a long time ago. Not so much about Chicago itself, but just my desire to go back to it. To go back to the way my life was there.

But I'm not ready to share it with the world at large just yet.

I went back for a visit a few years ago, and I was actually kind of scared to go back. I was afraid to go back and find that it didn't feel the same, that things had changed while I was gone and that it would kind of ruin the memory. Either that, or it would be exactly the same and it would make it hard for me to come back home and be happy with the way things had turned out. Because by that point I'd made peace with the fact that I'd fucked up and that even though I didn't like having to leave, that the life I'd built back in Missouri was good in its own way.

I was pleasantly surprised. Most everything was just how I remembered. It felt the same. I still felt connected to the city somehow, like we belonged together. But it wasn't a depressing experience. It was like this little reminder that there wasn't a time limit on things -- that if I someday manage to move back to Chicago it'll still feel the same, but that I don't have to feel rushed to do so. It's not the right time to go back right now, and that's fine. The city will wait for me.

And maybe someday soon I'll get a chance to play with my songwriting again. That's something I started in Chicago, too. It's been on the back burner for quite a while now. But when I get a chance to get back to it, maybe I'll share.