Sockpuppet Douchebag Theater Presents: NIN fans bitch about NIN/JA tickets

"Treeeennnntt... Why do the tickets for the NIN/JA tour have to cost so much? If I have to pay this much for my ticket, I want a bunch of flashing lights and lasers and dancing girls and my very own beer wench and for you to personally dedicate Closer to me in front of the whole arena! It doesn't matter that I'm getting to see Jane's Addiction, too, and that the ticket prices are still lower than most big shows. I'm gonna feel personally shortchanged if this show isn't at least twice as flashy as the Lights In The Sky tour! If you don't do this for me... I mean us, your loyal fans, then you suck!"

"But if I can't get a good seat before they sell out, what am I supposed to do without buying from a scalper? If I can't get close enough to the stage to be able to count your nose hairs, then I just don't want to go at all. If I can't get the exact ticket I want, I'll just have to stay home and listen to The Fragile in the dark and cry. I'd rather do that than sit with all the losers that are dumb enough to buy cheap tickets where they can't possibly get splashed by even a drop of your sweat! I need to be splashed by your sweat! It's important to me!!!!!"

"Hey, what are you guys even bitching about? At least you can afford the tickets. I don't have any money. Trent gives us everything else for free, why couldn't he make it so everyone can go to the show without paying him? I've been his absolute biggest fan for eleventy million years, and it's wrong for him to deprive me of the opportunity to see this show. IT'S HIS FAULT! DO YOU HEAR ME, TRENT? IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"


"Shut up, loser. I love him more. And because I love him more I need to be able to get way close so he can see me and know how big of a fan I am. And for the record, I've been his biggest fan for eleventy million and one years, so you can kiss my ass."


"You're just an elitist asshole. Just because you can afford to spend a lot of money doesn't make you better than me. I listen to NIN 24 hours a day. I tape headphones to my ears when I go to bed so I can listen in my sleep. I pick all the letters out of my Alphabits except N and I because it just means that much to me. I'm just so mad that now Trent has made it impossible for me to see the show. Doesn't he know that the economy is bad? Isn't he a multi-kajillionaire? Can't he just afford to keep giving us free stuff forever and ever? DOESN'T HE REALIZE THAT I'M SUFFERING HERE?"

"Idiot. Of course he can't do this for free. It's a big concert. He's got to get paid. But damn it, Trent, if I'm paying you then I should be able to get exactly what I want!! I PAY YOU!! I'M THE BOSS!! GIVE ME LIGHTS AND LASERS AND THE DANCING GIRLS!!!"


"I hate you all. I have box seats that I paid for. They cost a lot of money, but I'm rich, so I can afford them. And now I might have to be moved out of the way of all you stupid peons who don't make as much money as I do. Trent's a jerk for putting you ahead of me. Doesn't he know that I paid for the priviledge of flaunting my douchebaggery for everyone, and he's interfering with that? If you all want to be as cool as me, you should just get out there and make a lot of money. I'm tired of rock stars paying attention to poor people who care about their music when they should pay more attention to rich people like me who don't actually care."

"If rich bastard gets food and drinks and special seats, then I should at least get a beer wench! I want a beer wench! Wearing flashing lights and lasers! The music isn't enough!"



"If the Spiral were still around, we'd get beer wenches with lasers and meet and greets and little vials of Trent's saliva to take home with us. Bring back the Spiral, Trent! We're special and we deserve it!"



"Paying for a fucking fan club doesn't make you special. Anybody with money can do that. I carved the NIN logo into my left pinky toe with a spork. THAT makes me special! Send me a free ticket, Trent! Please!!!!"



"Did one of you just touch me? Oh, god, now I have poor people germs on me! Get away from me, all of you! This is all your fault, Trent! It's your fault poor people are touching me!"

"LASERS! LASERS! LASERS! LASERS! LASERS! LASERS! LASERS! LASERS!"





"I'M GONNA HOLD YOU PERSONALLY RESPONSIBLE IF I CAN'T BE FRONT AND CENTER ON THE RAIL, TRENT! I LOVE YOU!!!!"



"MY LIFE ISN'T WORTH LIVING!!!" *sobs*






"I'm going to go spend a weekend doing really expensive rich people things. You all disgust me."



*sigh*