Soooooo sleeeepy....

It's always nice to finally find, after years or even a lifetime of knowing something wasn't quite normal about yourself, that there is in fact a name for what's wrong with you. I've always -- and I mean absolutely always -- had a problem getting up in the morning. Dad used to literally shake me awake in the mornings at five minute intervals until I finally got so angry I couldn't stay in bed anymore. My mom seems to have forgotten that about my early years, and maybe that's because she wasn't the one doing the waking. She's always been convinced that the frequent all-nighters I pulled in architecture school screwed up my ability to function like a normal person, but I've known better. And frankly, it sucks. Everybody -- friends, bosses, family, roommates, girlfriend -- have at times inferred that I'm just lazy or irresponsible or rebellious and that there's no good reason for me to have problems with my sleep patterns.

It's not like I have problems sleeping. Quite the contrary -- I sleep very well. I easily sleep eight hours a day and often more than that. It takes me no time at all to fall asleep. I'm good at sleeping. In fact, I'm SO good at sleeping that my sister had suggested at one point that I might be borderline narcoleptic.

Well, I looked it up, and while some of the symptoms seemed to fit (excessive daytime sleepiness, falling quickly into deep sleep, disorientation upon waking ),there were some I didn't exhibit at all (sleep paralysis, cataplexy, hallucinations) and there wasn't any mention at all of "mild" narcolepsy. Either you fall asleep at random times during the day or you really aren't narcoleptic. For a while I had myself convinced that narcolepsy was the best explanation for what I went through, but it never really did fit.

And then a couple of weekends ago I tried (as I have a million times before) to "reset" my sleep schedule by staying up all night so I could go to bed earlier the next night. Unfortunately, my ability to actually go an entire night without sleep has diminished since architecture school, and I ended up trying to nap for a few hours. I don't exactly remember waking up to tell my sister what I wanted for lunch, but evidently I did so and then fell back to sleep. Nobody bothered to wake me up after the food arrived because when they've done so on other occasions I've snapped at them.

Which is totally true, but it's not because of the fact that they woke me up. It was the methods used, which for reasons I can't understand always seem to involve loud noises or startling shaking movements.

Anyway, after being abandonned to sleep through lunch and then called out on the internet for acting like a child because I couldn't just get myself out of bed, I went looking again for an explanation.

And I finally found it.

It's called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. Reading down through the symptoms is like reading my life story:
-- DSP individuals are "night owls." They feel most alert and say they function best and are most creative in the evening and at night. (Check.)
-- They usually have tried many times to change their sleeping schedule. (Check) They often have asked family members to wake them in the mornings (Check) or they have used several alarm clocks (I used to use three).
-- They are sleepy during the day, especially in the morning, if they've had to get up early (Absolutely). They sleep in on weekends, often past noon and for more than ten hours (Check and check) to make up for not getting enough sleep during the week.
-- DSP individuals who try to manage a 9-5 life often complain of insomnia, finding it impossible to fall asleep before the early morning hours (Yep.) Unlike other insomniacs, however, DSP individuals report that they always seem to fall asleep at the same time no matter when they go to bed. (For me, I get tired at about 4am)
-- Also contrary to insomnia, DSPS patients can sleep well and have a normal need for sleep. (Yeah.) They sleep soundly, wake up spontaneously, and do not feel sleepy again until their next "night" if they are allowed to follow their own late schedule, i.e. from 4am to noon. (Yes!)

Basically, my circadian rhythm is just permanently set to the wrong cycle. Most people get sleepy in the evening and, unless there's some other problem at work, wake up naturally in the morning. My body, however, doesn't understand the "normal" time schedule, and thinks it should sleep from about 4am to about noon. Whereas most people's circadian rhythms respond and adjust to cues in the environment (dawn, dusk, alarm clocks going off at the same time every day), mine just doesn't care about those things. It can be high noon with light streaming in the bedroom window, and I'll still sleep right through it.

Unfortunately, there's really not a cure for it. There are several ways that people with DSPS try to forcibly reset their internal clocks, but the fixes are temporary and you have to do them repeatedly to keep yourself running on a socially acceptable schedule. Plus, the one that seems to work the best is hella expensive and involves getting special lights to sit in front of in the morning.

So I'm trying an approach that doesn't cost money. It's called Chronotherapy, which is basically a fancy name for gradually moving your sleep and wake times. Every day I stay up a couple of hours later in the hopes that my body will adjust to sleeping earlier every day. I started from a bedtime of around 4am. Today I'm supposed to stay up until 2pm. I've been working on collages for the upcoming art festivals all night long, and I'm pooped. Only another half hour to kill before I can finally go to bed. Yay sleep!

Maybe if I surf around my computer files for a while I can come up with another way to kill time before bed. ::snore::

At least I finally know what's wrong with me.